Twelve thousand dollars of uber nerd equipment arrived for the new lab today. I am in science mother geek heaven.
Now for the big whoppa (big file server) and we'll be sorted for gear.
Another new staff member started today so the team is also shaping up.
Goody.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Food glorious food...
So, us working mothers like a challenge and as if running around madly at work all day, chasing pick ups/child care etc wasn't enough. It seems we are also insistent upon fine dining for our little ones.
I have a total hang up about my kids eating vegetables. I admit it, I am a freak. I will actively avoid putting a full serve of starch (eg rice) and protein (eg sausage) on my three year old's plate. Mean? Maybe. Sensible? Ohhhhhhh yeah. So her eating pattern is thus:
Hmmmm, yummy food SM. I will now proceed to eat every single grain of rice, each piece of meat and then gulp down loads of water. I will now tell my mother that "I had nuff". (meanwhile, big brother sucks down anything on his plate, as long as he can have more....).
So, my culinary delights these days tend to incorporate "secret ways to include vegies".
Here are SM's suggestions for getting vegies into a reluctant toddler's diet.
1) Pure evil. Don't let them leave before they eat those three tiny little broccoli trees. Of course any sensible woman know (and we are, after all, sensisble scientific types) this is crazy and will likely set up some nasty conditioned response that the child will bear for the rest of its life.
2) SM's fried rice. Quantities are disarmingly inaccurate, now that I think about it. I never use recipes for night time meals.
1 - 2 cups of long-grain rice
corn kernels
sliced mushroom
finely chopped broccoli heads
diced capsicum
thinly sliced carrot
shallot or brown onion, very super duper finely sliced. You could even mash it in a food processor if your kids are picky
two to three heads of garlic
Amazing stir fry sauce (sometimes I use a combo of soy, fish sauce, corn flour, water, chinese rice wine or vinegar, lime juice)
herbs (coriander, mint, basil, depending on what's not dead in the garden)
Peanut or canola oil (olive is better but the burn temp is much lower than these others so it doesn't really suit stir fry
Equipment
Two helpers with plastic knives to chop mushrooms - mushrooms are easy to chop and we kind of don't care what shape they are because they always reduce down in size. Giving this task to the kids leaves me to furiously chop the hard core veg.
Wok
Wok stirrer
Jobs
Cook rice in two times as much boiling water, until tender. Drain and leave it hanging out.
Heat wok
Add oil
Add onion, stir for about 30 seconds
Add hard veg (carrot, broccoli etc). Fling around for 1 minute
Add softer veg. Fling 45 seconds
Add minced garlic (yes, towards the end - it doesn't get burnt this way)
When veg is looking OK, add rice and mix really well. I like the rice to get a bit crispy so I do this for a while (it also cooks off the veg nicely)
Add a bit of sauce to taste. The idea is not to make this sloppy but to have a consistency that heaps nicely on a small spoon.
Add herbs (and maybe even bean shoots) at the end.
Serve up.
What about the protein you ask? Well, I would normally throw in left over meat or tofu. If I'm really uninspired I incorporate one egg at the end of cooking to bind it together. You can also cook two eggs in a thin omlette first, slice them up into long strips and then add to the rice at the end.
YUMMO, and what a vehicle for vegies.
3) SM's chicken and sweet corn soup
This one was a winner with the kids down the road. Their mother looked very nervous when I served it up but was impressed when they gulped it down and asked for more. I swear there were no addictive substances added. There are traditional recipes from the Chinese for this but again I just make it up.
Stuff you need
Chicken - breast is best (sorry, I couldn't resist) but thigh is cheaper and merely makes the end result a tad coarser. Aim for one piece per hungry tummy.
Tinned sweet corn (or you could food process fresh or frozen corn kernels if you really had all the time in the world, which you don't, which is why you're reading this in the first place). This also gets called creamed corn
Stock - I either use my own chicken stock from past roasts or store-bought vegetable stock. The amount depends on the consistency of the soup. I like kind of gluggy.
garlic
corn flour (about two tablespoons mixed with cold water, depending on how think you'd like your soup).
Little pasta pieces (either purpose made or broken up spare bits of spagetti or other)
How to proceed
Fling all but the corn flour mixture, sweet corn and pasta into a large pot. Simmer very gently until the chicken is cooked through.
Use a Bamix or similar to souperise your soup (ie mush it 'til it is smooth, not too lumpy).
Add pasta and cook on low heat until it is al dente.
Add sweet corn and stir
Add corn flour and seasoning (pepper and maybe salt, but I try not to) to taste
Serve.
Now, you might ask how I get the vegies in?
The bastardised version of that soup has loads of two or three reasonably insipid vegies (carrot, onion, zucchini) flung in at the time of the chicken. They then get pulverised once the chicken is cooked. I don't use celery or other strong flavours as this overpowers the nice contrast between the corn and the chicken/stock.
My kids love this, particularly if I lash out and go for alphabet or number pasta. A rare treat but I suppose you could argue that it makes the dish nutritious and educational????!
Happy eating all you amazing science women.
Next food carival could be 'fancy dishes for when you've just won that grant and had a high-impact paper publisjed'. I know, some of you will argue that you'd go out for dinner and whilst that is true I quite enjoy an excuse to cook adult oriented food.
I have a total hang up about my kids eating vegetables. I admit it, I am a freak. I will actively avoid putting a full serve of starch (eg rice) and protein (eg sausage) on my three year old's plate. Mean? Maybe. Sensible? Ohhhhhhh yeah. So her eating pattern is thus:
Hmmmm, yummy food SM. I will now proceed to eat every single grain of rice, each piece of meat and then gulp down loads of water. I will now tell my mother that "I had nuff". (meanwhile, big brother sucks down anything on his plate, as long as he can have more....).
So, my culinary delights these days tend to incorporate "secret ways to include vegies".
Here are SM's suggestions for getting vegies into a reluctant toddler's diet.
1) Pure evil. Don't let them leave before they eat those three tiny little broccoli trees. Of course any sensible woman know (and we are, after all, sensisble scientific types) this is crazy and will likely set up some nasty conditioned response that the child will bear for the rest of its life.
2) SM's fried rice. Quantities are disarmingly inaccurate, now that I think about it. I never use recipes for night time meals.
1 - 2 cups of long-grain rice
corn kernels
sliced mushroom
finely chopped broccoli heads
diced capsicum
thinly sliced carrot
shallot or brown onion, very super duper finely sliced. You could even mash it in a food processor if your kids are picky
two to three heads of garlic
Amazing stir fry sauce (sometimes I use a combo of soy, fish sauce, corn flour, water, chinese rice wine or vinegar, lime juice)
herbs (coriander, mint, basil, depending on what's not dead in the garden)
Peanut or canola oil (olive is better but the burn temp is much lower than these others so it doesn't really suit stir fry
Equipment
Two helpers with plastic knives to chop mushrooms - mushrooms are easy to chop and we kind of don't care what shape they are because they always reduce down in size. Giving this task to the kids leaves me to furiously chop the hard core veg.
Wok
Wok stirrer
Jobs
Cook rice in two times as much boiling water, until tender. Drain and leave it hanging out.
Heat wok
Add oil
Add onion, stir for about 30 seconds
Add hard veg (carrot, broccoli etc). Fling around for 1 minute
Add softer veg. Fling 45 seconds
Add minced garlic (yes, towards the end - it doesn't get burnt this way)
When veg is looking OK, add rice and mix really well. I like the rice to get a bit crispy so I do this for a while (it also cooks off the veg nicely)
Add a bit of sauce to taste. The idea is not to make this sloppy but to have a consistency that heaps nicely on a small spoon.
Add herbs (and maybe even bean shoots) at the end.
Serve up.
What about the protein you ask? Well, I would normally throw in left over meat or tofu. If I'm really uninspired I incorporate one egg at the end of cooking to bind it together. You can also cook two eggs in a thin omlette first, slice them up into long strips and then add to the rice at the end.
YUMMO, and what a vehicle for vegies.
3) SM's chicken and sweet corn soup
This one was a winner with the kids down the road. Their mother looked very nervous when I served it up but was impressed when they gulped it down and asked for more. I swear there were no addictive substances added. There are traditional recipes from the Chinese for this but again I just make it up.
Stuff you need
Chicken - breast is best (sorry, I couldn't resist) but thigh is cheaper and merely makes the end result a tad coarser. Aim for one piece per hungry tummy.
Tinned sweet corn (or you could food process fresh or frozen corn kernels if you really had all the time in the world, which you don't, which is why you're reading this in the first place). This also gets called creamed corn
Stock - I either use my own chicken stock from past roasts or store-bought vegetable stock. The amount depends on the consistency of the soup. I like kind of gluggy.
garlic
corn flour (about two tablespoons mixed with cold water, depending on how think you'd like your soup).
Little pasta pieces (either purpose made or broken up spare bits of spagetti or other)
How to proceed
Fling all but the corn flour mixture, sweet corn and pasta into a large pot. Simmer very gently until the chicken is cooked through.
Use a Bamix or similar to souperise your soup (ie mush it 'til it is smooth, not too lumpy).
Add pasta and cook on low heat until it is al dente.
Add sweet corn and stir
Add corn flour and seasoning (pepper and maybe salt, but I try not to) to taste
Serve.
Now, you might ask how I get the vegies in?
The bastardised version of that soup has loads of two or three reasonably insipid vegies (carrot, onion, zucchini) flung in at the time of the chicken. They then get pulverised once the chicken is cooked. I don't use celery or other strong flavours as this overpowers the nice contrast between the corn and the chicken/stock.
My kids love this, particularly if I lash out and go for alphabet or number pasta. A rare treat but I suppose you could argue that it makes the dish nutritious and educational????!
Happy eating all you amazing science women.
Next food carival could be 'fancy dishes for when you've just won that grant and had a high-impact paper publisjed'. I know, some of you will argue that you'd go out for dinner and whilst that is true I quite enjoy an excuse to cook adult oriented food.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Where did I go? I am back
Oops. I kinda got sucked up my own rear end there for a while.
The paper rejection thing always knocks me for six but it's not like I didn't bounce back. On the contrary, it's been really busy.
First the important stuff. In the order of life-changing events
My son lost two teeth (on purpose, well you know cos kids are meant to lose teeth).
This changes my life because my baby is growing up. He can chew again now, although a third tooth is loosening.
My daughter was possessed by teenage vampires
I'm not sure what happened to the little toddler but all of a sudden my three year old has become vicious and super gentle all at once. It's almost as though she's so passionate in her love for us that she gets aggressive.
My best friend has left her husband and taken her young child with her
This is significant for so many reasons, but cyberspace is about the only place I can semi-safely vent. She did this in the week that our grants were due. Of all the weeks to leave your husband and justifiably want to spend some time chatting to your oldest friend, GRANT WEEK AIN'T IT! But you know, perspective in life is always a good thing and after my initial self-indulgent whinge I kept in pretty constant contact with her day and night, along with the 20 or so investigators on the six grants I was working on.
Naturally the net effect of this was my usual psychosomatic upper respiratory infection, which I get every year at the major grant submission time. Being run down whilst trying to be scientifically creative is a challenge. But grants went in and the antibiotics are now working a few weeks later.
My lab is half set up
We're waiting on our big ticket items - the equipment that we really need to get the science gunning along. We have such a small amount of space and there have been budget blow-outs, but it will be cool when I get the geek tools going.
New staff have arrived
The research group numbers around 12 or 13 now. The number of projects we've been invited to contribute to fills two enormous whiteboards. So it's exciting.
The paper tally still stinks
I said I would keep track. Since last writing I think two are now in press. I have nine in submission and there are 8 or so in draft format. Not enough of them are first author and that's what I need to concentrate on.
There are already personality problems threatening the team's work
It doesn't matter where in the world you go to work, there's always someone who makes life difficult. Or a situation. I have this already, which is a significant drain on my already stretched time resource. Not to mention that I don't appreciate getting caught up with other people's problems just because I'm the newbie on campus and they think I'm a sitting duck. Oh no... I saw the mischief coming. And I thought I was just there to do science.
Well, dull ranting this certainly is but I'm exhausted and probably dementing at a way too young age. So forgive me and I look forward to catching up on what all the other hard working women scientists out there have been up to.
SM.
Oh, and I want a puppy for my birthday.
The paper rejection thing always knocks me for six but it's not like I didn't bounce back. On the contrary, it's been really busy.
First the important stuff. In the order of life-changing events
My son lost two teeth (on purpose, well you know cos kids are meant to lose teeth).
This changes my life because my baby is growing up. He can chew again now, although a third tooth is loosening.
My daughter was possessed by teenage vampires
I'm not sure what happened to the little toddler but all of a sudden my three year old has become vicious and super gentle all at once. It's almost as though she's so passionate in her love for us that she gets aggressive.
My best friend has left her husband and taken her young child with her
This is significant for so many reasons, but cyberspace is about the only place I can semi-safely vent. She did this in the week that our grants were due. Of all the weeks to leave your husband and justifiably want to spend some time chatting to your oldest friend, GRANT WEEK AIN'T IT! But you know, perspective in life is always a good thing and after my initial self-indulgent whinge I kept in pretty constant contact with her day and night, along with the 20 or so investigators on the six grants I was working on.
Naturally the net effect of this was my usual psychosomatic upper respiratory infection, which I get every year at the major grant submission time. Being run down whilst trying to be scientifically creative is a challenge. But grants went in and the antibiotics are now working a few weeks later.
My lab is half set up
We're waiting on our big ticket items - the equipment that we really need to get the science gunning along. We have such a small amount of space and there have been budget blow-outs, but it will be cool when I get the geek tools going.
New staff have arrived
The research group numbers around 12 or 13 now. The number of projects we've been invited to contribute to fills two enormous whiteboards. So it's exciting.
The paper tally still stinks
I said I would keep track. Since last writing I think two are now in press. I have nine in submission and there are 8 or so in draft format. Not enough of them are first author and that's what I need to concentrate on.
There are already personality problems threatening the team's work
It doesn't matter where in the world you go to work, there's always someone who makes life difficult. Or a situation. I have this already, which is a significant drain on my already stretched time resource. Not to mention that I don't appreciate getting caught up with other people's problems just because I'm the newbie on campus and they think I'm a sitting duck. Oh no... I saw the mischief coming. And I thought I was just there to do science.
Well, dull ranting this certainly is but I'm exhausted and probably dementing at a way too young age. So forgive me and I look forward to catching up on what all the other hard working women scientists out there have been up to.
SM.
Oh, and I want a puppy for my birthday.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Super Size that rejection
So in a follow up to Friday's email that gave advance warning of imminent rejection, I got the offical letter today. Not only was I reject but they went to some length to indicate how badly my application was rated. WTF?????????????????????????
I think it's just papers, but maybe it's the project I submitted. It's difficult to know, since there's no feedback provided at all. doh!
So I think I'm gonna keep a tally here.
Today's stat is:
2008 - 6 papers published or in press
Nine papers under review
Six papers getting the finishing touches prior to submission
First author papers I need to work on. HEAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can't bear to count those. ugh.
If I could get up to ten published or in press by February next year then I'd be pretty chuffed. How could they resist me?
I think it's just papers, but maybe it's the project I submitted. It's difficult to know, since there's no feedback provided at all. doh!
So I think I'm gonna keep a tally here.
Today's stat is:
2008 - 6 papers published or in press
Nine papers under review
Six papers getting the finishing touches prior to submission
First author papers I need to work on. HEAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can't bear to count those. ugh.
If I could get up to ten published or in press by February next year then I'd be pretty chuffed. How could they resist me?
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
When bugging your senior colleague is futile
Papers are a significant issue for me right now. Kids got in the way of steady output. That and writing 55 grants in four years, being the 'go-to' girl for all problems in my previous lab. The glue.
WHOOPS! No track record. UNfundable.
So, I've been proactive and tried to implement a plan for publications with my old mentor. He agreed to a paper per week until they're all out (there's 15!) but of course in the first week renegs.
What to do, what to do?
Now that I'm a big girl running my own lab I guess the idea is not to perpetuate this style of 'leadership'. So I'm now kind of (but not really I suppose) in conflict. It would be easy to say "well, I didn't get an easy run so you lot can stand by while I control your futures". The better approach is avoid repeating the errors of others. Indeed, when old mentor suggested that I'd be OK at my new institution because he'd taught me all he know it was very easy to wholeheartedly agree...
WHOOPS! No track record. UNfundable.
So, I've been proactive and tried to implement a plan for publications with my old mentor. He agreed to a paper per week until they're all out (there's 15!) but of course in the first week renegs.
What to do, what to do?
Now that I'm a big girl running my own lab I guess the idea is not to perpetuate this style of 'leadership'. So I'm now kind of (but not really I suppose) in conflict. It would be easy to say "well, I didn't get an easy run so you lot can stand by while I control your futures". The better approach is avoid repeating the errors of others. Indeed, when old mentor suggested that I'd be OK at my new institution because he'd taught me all he know it was very easy to wholeheartedly agree...
Monday, November 24, 2008
More rejection
Oh, the orbitofrontal cortex goes into overdrive this week...
So, what is it about research office staff that makes them think that sending out an email at 4.43pm on a Friday afternoon, in which they inform you that although it's top secret and you can't breathe a word to anyone, you're a reject.
"Dear applicant,
KIND REGARDS? There's nothing kind about that news at all. When I read that all I hear is the little freak from the Simpsons going "ha ha"
ha ha. you're a reject. try again next year (withoutanychanceofsuccessbutweknowyou'readdictedandsowe'relaughingonfridayevening)
I guess I'm annoyed. Need papers. Something's gotta feed the research addiction and get that orbitofrontal cortex to settle down...
ARGH.
So, what is it about research office staff that makes them think that sending out an email at 4.43pm on a Friday afternoon, in which they inform you that although it's top secret and you can't breathe a word to anyone, you're a reject.
"Dear applicant,
I have received the attached email from the blahblah outcomes. Unfortunately your name was not on the list of applications recommended for funding.
Kind Regards,
KIND REGARDS? There's nothing kind about that news at all. When I read that all I hear is the little freak from the Simpsons going "ha ha"
ha ha. you're a reject. try again next year (withoutanychanceofsuccessbutweknowyou'readdictedandsowe'relaughingonfridayevening)
I guess I'm annoyed. Need papers. Something's gotta feed the research addiction and get that orbitofrontal cortex to settle down...
ARGH.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Paper reject
Another one bites the dust.
PreviousBoss insists on only putting papers in high impact journals, which would be OK if the findings were high impact and not in need of simply being published.
High impact paper just rejected my recent submission without review. Which TAKES TIME.
and quite frankly, I don't have time to be mucking around at the moment and need some papers to get out. in. realistically. targetted. journal. please.
argh.
PreviousBoss insists on only putting papers in high impact journals, which would be OK if the findings were high impact and not in need of simply being published.
High impact paper just rejected my recent submission without review. Which TAKES TIME.
and quite frankly, I don't have time to be mucking around at the moment and need some papers to get out. in. realistically. targetted. journal. please.
argh.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Academic talks - when preparation is a bad thing
Yesterday I had to give a talk at the new institute. It was one of a series of workshops for grant submissions and anyone could attend. I spent the night before flinging together some slides and thought briefly about what I wanted to say. Right as I was starting who should walk in the back of the auditorium but the head of the institute. Normally not one to sweat such things, this really unnerved me and I was a bumbling mess. I should have prepared more as I didn't give enough background to the study to allow the audience to discuss it in detail, so I ended up feeling like a complete goose.
Contrast this with my (unsuccessful - read I"M A TOTAL REJECT) fellowship interview recently. I prepared the talk with notes, something I have NEVER done. I practiced the talk. NEVER done that before either. Worse still, I sat to give the talk, which I will NEVER do again as it's totally daft and not at all my style.
So the point is, have I lost my mojo? If I wing it these days I screw up and if I (over) prepare I muck it up too? So what's the right formula for giving a talk? What do others do? What are the practical strategies to look fabulous whilst speaking and feel great afterwards to?
It's been a funny time because for the past few years none of this matters. Now, though, every presentation is a first impression for a whole new audience and I'd like them to pay to see me again (literally!).
Contrast this with my (unsuccessful - read I"M A TOTAL REJECT) fellowship interview recently. I prepared the talk with notes, something I have NEVER done. I practiced the talk. NEVER done that before either. Worse still, I sat to give the talk, which I will NEVER do again as it's totally daft and not at all my style.
So the point is, have I lost my mojo? If I wing it these days I screw up and if I (over) prepare I muck it up too? So what's the right formula for giving a talk? What do others do? What are the practical strategies to look fabulous whilst speaking and feel great afterwards to?
It's been a funny time because for the past few years none of this matters. Now, though, every presentation is a first impression for a whole new audience and I'd like them to pay to see me again (literally!).
Thursday, November 6, 2008
High speed shenanigans
One month in and it's all systems go. I have a new office, new labs, new space request, new staff member, new admin crap, new tea room, new politics, new horizons.
No new grants and no new papers but who's counting? well, I am.
I have a plan and it involves shedding crap collaborators who continue to give me a hard time, finishing off projects that give me central chest pain whenever I think of them (seriously) and I want to shed a few pounds by Christmas. I think I'll manage all but the last one.
How is it? It's good. Exciting, and terrifying all at once. In the past two weeks people have realised that I am on site and have started asking me for help, advice, collaboration etc. So that's good but I still need to finish off a whole lot of other work.
I've also had the pleasure of meeting my 'competition' (internationally, that is) and we now plan to collaborate! I offered something I knew he would like (more data) and he needs some skills I happen to have. Sounds like a plan.
Meanwhile, Academic Spouse is away for work more times than I care to think about between now and Christmas but as long as we all stay healthy then it'll be OK.
I feel like I'm tearing down a highway at high speed and just hoping to goodness that I don't lose control and crash and burn. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzoooooooooooooooommmmm!
No new grants and no new papers but who's counting? well, I am.
I have a plan and it involves shedding crap collaborators who continue to give me a hard time, finishing off projects that give me central chest pain whenever I think of them (seriously) and I want to shed a few pounds by Christmas. I think I'll manage all but the last one.
How is it? It's good. Exciting, and terrifying all at once. In the past two weeks people have realised that I am on site and have started asking me for help, advice, collaboration etc. So that's good but I still need to finish off a whole lot of other work.
I've also had the pleasure of meeting my 'competition' (internationally, that is) and we now plan to collaborate! I offered something I knew he would like (more data) and he needs some skills I happen to have. Sounds like a plan.
Meanwhile, Academic Spouse is away for work more times than I care to think about between now and Christmas but as long as we all stay healthy then it'll be OK.
I feel like I'm tearing down a highway at high speed and just hoping to goodness that I don't lose control and crash and burn. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzoooooooooooooooommmmm!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Chocolate and green tea
I emailed my grants office manager yesterday to ask when the next round of rejection letters was likely to arrive on my doorstep/desk etc. She wrote back saying that I'd made her laugh, which was problematic for her as she didn't think it was a laughing matter.
I think if you can't laugh at rejection, failure, poor reviews, criticism and the like then you definitely should not be in research. As somebody who is personally very sensitive to comments (which I readily interpret as criticism), I impress myself at how resilient I actually am in the face of constant research knock-backs. OK, so I whinge quite a lot at the time, but generally speaking I think it doesn't take too much for me to pick myself up, grin, tell my students it's all part of research and we'll have better luck next time and then get on with it all. Without money.
The email to my research office manager was really to provide some external basis to cease my repetitive internet checking behaviour. Because I'm waiting on two announcements about fellowship applications, I have been compulsively checking the granting bodies' websites. It's not quite OCD because I don't fear what will happen if I don't check, but it's still not healthy. So she told me to expect a five week wait (g-rooooaaaannnnnnnn), which helped because I haven't checked once today (so far...).
So what's the solution to all of this grant-related stress? I find green tea and dark chocolate does wonders for my psyche. With all the rejection going around, perhaps shares in cocoa beans would be worth thinking about? The current economic climate might allow that actually. Oh, except I keep forgetting that I don't HAVE ANY MONEY....................
More choc please.
I think if you can't laugh at rejection, failure, poor reviews, criticism and the like then you definitely should not be in research. As somebody who is personally very sensitive to comments (which I readily interpret as criticism), I impress myself at how resilient I actually am in the face of constant research knock-backs. OK, so I whinge quite a lot at the time, but generally speaking I think it doesn't take too much for me to pick myself up, grin, tell my students it's all part of research and we'll have better luck next time and then get on with it all. Without money.
The email to my research office manager was really to provide some external basis to cease my repetitive internet checking behaviour. Because I'm waiting on two announcements about fellowship applications, I have been compulsively checking the granting bodies' websites. It's not quite OCD because I don't fear what will happen if I don't check, but it's still not healthy. So she told me to expect a five week wait (g-rooooaaaannnnnnnn), which helped because I haven't checked once today (so far...).
So what's the solution to all of this grant-related stress? I find green tea and dark chocolate does wonders for my psyche. With all the rejection going around, perhaps shares in cocoa beans would be worth thinking about? The current economic climate might allow that actually. Oh, except I keep forgetting that I don't HAVE ANY MONEY....................
More choc please.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Maybe research isn't for me
When I discussed my contract for the new job, they said that my CV would need to go to promotions committee as I was being appointed at a given level that would normally require it. "It's just a formality" I was told.
Woops! That formality turned out to be something altogether different as I was NOT given the same level. So although they keep saying "oh, we'll pay you what we agreed" I am being demoted!
I attended an interview for a fellowship yesterday and their parting words were "you've done very well to be short-listed", which is like saying "thanks, but no thanks".
Today, our grant rounds were announced and none of the three grants I was on got funded.
So I feel relatively rejected and saw a tenured teaching position advertised at my old institution, which I would more than qualify for. Maybe the life of no money year to year is not for me after all. Or perhaps I'll feel different after some sleep?
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Woops! That formality turned out to be something altogether different as I was NOT given the same level. So although they keep saying "oh, we'll pay you what we agreed" I am being demoted!
I attended an interview for a fellowship yesterday and their parting words were "you've done very well to be short-listed", which is like saying "thanks, but no thanks".
Today, our grant rounds were announced and none of the three grants I was on got funded.
So I feel relatively rejected and saw a tenured teaching position advertised at my old institution, which I would more than qualify for. Maybe the life of no money year to year is not for me after all. Or perhaps I'll feel different after some sleep?
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Monday, October 6, 2008
Who do you work for?
Like your first day at school, starting a new job is exciting, confusing and a jumble of new experiences. There's your name tag, your room key, your swipe card and the fundamentals such as internet access. Of course, I have absolutely NONE of these and so after lugging many heavy boxes in the rain I organised the box that is my office and sat down to edit a paper. I haven't edited a paper in weeks and it felt really really good. If only I could have access electronic databases to get references for the paper.....
So the first day jitters were worth the realisation that this is it. My new path has begun to unfold before me. It'll take a bit of getting used to.
With every piece of paperwork (to organise voicemail, internet, keys, swipe cards, toilet rights etc) I was asked "who do you work for?", to which I answered the head of the stream I'm in.
Not satisfied with this response the next question was "But whose group are you in?", to which I responded "oh, I am starting up a new team"
"Great, what's YOUR group called?"
"Ummmm.... well it's blah-blah-blah, but maybe the name will change"
"oh, OK well just let us know Dr SM".
Gulp. Splutter. Uuurgh....
It was SO like when I got married and I had to change from "my partner" to "my HuSbAnD", or when I went to collect a new bank card and they made me sign while they witnessed me, but I'd never signed my new name before. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS. I changed my name. oooh errr (much to my husband's dismay, actually. But it was that or change my surname by deed poll so he let me get away with it).
I will need to get used to the idea that I'm the group leader and the group will study blah-blah-blah. I'll need to make sure I don't apologise for my presence and that I get over the embarrassment of pretending I know what I'm doing etc. I think I have imposter syndrome but I plan to be cured within a week.
Anyway, that's it. Like a marriage, the party's over and now it's time to get down to the hard work of making sure this contract lasts. Maybe not 'til death us do part, but I'm definitely in for the long haul. As long as they get me some internet access before the diamond anniversary.
So the first day jitters were worth the realisation that this is it. My new path has begun to unfold before me. It'll take a bit of getting used to.
With every piece of paperwork (to organise voicemail, internet, keys, swipe cards, toilet rights etc) I was asked "who do you work for?", to which I answered the head of the stream I'm in.
Not satisfied with this response the next question was "But whose group are you in?", to which I responded "oh, I am starting up a new team"
"Great, what's YOUR group called?"
"Ummmm.... well it's blah-blah-blah, but maybe the name will change"
"oh, OK well just let us know Dr SM".
Gulp. Splutter. Uuurgh....
It was SO like when I got married and I had to change from "my partner" to "my HuSbAnD", or when I went to collect a new bank card and they made me sign while they witnessed me, but I'd never signed my new name before. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS. I changed my name. oooh errr (much to my husband's dismay, actually. But it was that or change my surname by deed poll so he let me get away with it).
I will need to get used to the idea that I'm the group leader and the group will study blah-blah-blah. I'll need to make sure I don't apologise for my presence and that I get over the embarrassment of pretending I know what I'm doing etc. I think I have imposter syndrome but I plan to be cured within a week.
Anyway, that's it. Like a marriage, the party's over and now it's time to get down to the hard work of making sure this contract lasts. Maybe not 'til death us do part, but I'm definitely in for the long haul. As long as they get me some internet access before the diamond anniversary.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
First day
Tomorrow is my first day in my new role. This is it: be brilliant or fail miserably and leave science. Three years is what I've got and I have so many doubts but am also so excited and ready for this next challenge. A slight pay rise also doesn't hurt. Screwing this up is really not an option. Must go get some sleep so I can think straight. Oh, what to wear...?!
Monday, September 29, 2008
Change
Just at a time when I'm about to start a new job, am in the middle of a slow, dusty and frustrating renovation, and have decided if I don't lose my post-baby blubber I might die, I got some more change going on. My cat died. He didn't turn up for dinner and I knew he was a goner. There was no pushing in front of me and the kids as we struggled to fit our bags, bodies and competitive heads into the entrance-way to our house. No, there was no bang, clunk-a-bang bang as the cat pulled on the fly-wire on the back door at night trying to get in. No moaning at the back door if you went into the kitchen at night to see what the time was, have a drink of water or avail yourself of the bathroom facilities etc. Nope, it was quiet. Which was kind of nice, given that he tended towards the annoying at times. But that annoying over-sized, stinky-breathed limping fluff-man was my constant companion for nearly 13 years and now he's gone.
So we told the kids he wasn't coming back and that it was sad etc. Then last night when I was just slopping grotty bits of plasticky pasta into bowls for the kids, our 90 year old next door neighbour fronted up with his cane a-tap-tapping across our balcony. Our woman's man neighbour is a bit of a sweet-talker usually and is desperately deaf. He is one of those oldies who is constantly fiddling with their hearing aid, in the (usually) vain hope that by tweaking the piercing feedback they'll be able to actually get beyond the tzswiiiiiiiinnnnnngggggggg and hear you. So he's really very deaf and after a more congenial attempt at describing what he found in the bushes beside his garage, he yelled "yar cat's DEAD in me back yard". Well, good thing we decided to tell the kids 1) the cat was gone 2) all about death...
So poor old puddy-tat has come to an end and we buried him last night, with the kids sprinkling some seeds across his grave. My son, who turned six today, asked "What are the seeds for?", which is a good question because it's really a bit daft to put seeds in with the corpse, after all. So I told him that every spring when the flowers come up they can think of the cat and remember how lovely he was.
So I have nearly a whole new kitchen, kids a year older, still no contract for my new job (another post altogether in that...) and birds have already settled in the back yard. I miss that annoying old boy.
So we told the kids he wasn't coming back and that it was sad etc. Then last night when I was just slopping grotty bits of plasticky pasta into bowls for the kids, our 90 year old next door neighbour fronted up with his cane a-tap-tapping across our balcony. Our woman's man neighbour is a bit of a sweet-talker usually and is desperately deaf. He is one of those oldies who is constantly fiddling with their hearing aid, in the (usually) vain hope that by tweaking the piercing feedback they'll be able to actually get beyond the tzswiiiiiiiinnnnnngggggggg and hear you. So he's really very deaf and after a more congenial attempt at describing what he found in the bushes beside his garage, he yelled "yar cat's DEAD in me back yard". Well, good thing we decided to tell the kids 1) the cat was gone 2) all about death...
So poor old puddy-tat has come to an end and we buried him last night, with the kids sprinkling some seeds across his grave. My son, who turned six today, asked "What are the seeds for?", which is a good question because it's really a bit daft to put seeds in with the corpse, after all. So I told him that every spring when the flowers come up they can think of the cat and remember how lovely he was.
So I have nearly a whole new kitchen, kids a year older, still no contract for my new job (another post altogether in that...) and birds have already settled in the back yard. I miss that annoying old boy.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Pushy students
In three weeks I will start my new role, heading up a research group at a new institution. I am taking two weeks of leave prior, leaving only one actual working day for me to complete all the things I have left on my never-ending to do list.
I also have two PhD students trying to write up, one of whom wants to be done in a similar time frame. This week I have had repeated requests to look over small sections of the student's first draft of various chapters. Due to the fact that I've had a bit going on myself at work, I haven't responded as quickly as I might normally and so the student now wishes to meet me in person on my last day at the old place to go through things in detail.
Whilst I realise that the student is anxious to get things done, my sense is there's a degree of pushiness, and something of a lack of appreciation of anyone else's situation. My reaction to the repeated requests this week (albeit, silently whilst I read yet another pleading email) has been to say "Leave me ALONE!". Instead, I am avoiding a reply but this will be hard on Friday when said student waltzes into my office and waits for a response (yes, they really do just walk on in. I've even tried locking the door, but due to my old boss' policy of not spending money on anything much all the rooms have the same keys (except his, naturally) and so people just knock, wait, unlock the door and exclaim "oh, I thought you might be hiding in there".)
So it annoys me that I am worrying about this amongst everything else going on. As a PhD student myself I made sure that I made myself available at times that suited my supervisor. I think I had a bit of R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Perhaps I'll just hum that dandy little tune all day Friday. Or lock the door and push a filing cabinet against it from the inside....
I also have two PhD students trying to write up, one of whom wants to be done in a similar time frame. This week I have had repeated requests to look over small sections of the student's first draft of various chapters. Due to the fact that I've had a bit going on myself at work, I haven't responded as quickly as I might normally and so the student now wishes to meet me in person on my last day at the old place to go through things in detail.
Whilst I realise that the student is anxious to get things done, my sense is there's a degree of pushiness, and something of a lack of appreciation of anyone else's situation. My reaction to the repeated requests this week (albeit, silently whilst I read yet another pleading email) has been to say "Leave me ALONE!". Instead, I am avoiding a reply but this will be hard on Friday when said student waltzes into my office and waits for a response (yes, they really do just walk on in. I've even tried locking the door, but due to my old boss' policy of not spending money on anything much all the rooms have the same keys (except his, naturally) and so people just knock, wait, unlock the door and exclaim "oh, I thought you might be hiding in there".)
So it annoys me that I am worrying about this amongst everything else going on. As a PhD student myself I made sure that I made myself available at times that suited my supervisor. I think I had a bit of R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Perhaps I'll just hum that dandy little tune all day Friday. Or lock the door and push a filing cabinet against it from the inside....
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Tradesmen
Why do tradesmen turn up so early? Is it really the case that they need to get to the pub by 3.30 or their livers begin to shrivel?
I don't think I know the answer and as an academic I tend to keep odd working hours. But why would you elect to arrive at 7am each day when you could sleep in? It's not like people want to be thrown out of their houses before they've had a chance to brush teeth, eat breakfast, get their pants on etc. This morning I actually had to ask out loud (as we ran to the car at 7.12am, having outstayed our welcome inside our own homes, evidenced only by the fact that the sawing had commenced) "who's had brekky?". I never fail to eat in the morning but I realised that I'd not had the chance.
School lunch for boy. Check.
Lunch for Dad. Check
Lunch for me. Check, albeit soggy and left-over from daughter yesterday.
Bag for daughter. Check
Coat for daugter. Check
Umbrella for upcoming school concert rendition of "singing in the rain". Check.
Sanity. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!
"Sorry Ma'am but you're all out of sanity pills. ha ha".
If there's one more hidden cost as part of this renovation then I think I'm likely to yell at someone.
If they have the audacity to arrive at 7.01am when my brain's only had 5 hours sleep and my hair still needs doing then I'll most certainly yell.
Tradies should start at 8.15, a respectable time by any fool's standards.
I don't think I know the answer and as an academic I tend to keep odd working hours. But why would you elect to arrive at 7am each day when you could sleep in? It's not like people want to be thrown out of their houses before they've had a chance to brush teeth, eat breakfast, get their pants on etc. This morning I actually had to ask out loud (as we ran to the car at 7.12am, having outstayed our welcome inside our own homes, evidenced only by the fact that the sawing had commenced) "who's had brekky?". I never fail to eat in the morning but I realised that I'd not had the chance.
School lunch for boy. Check.
Lunch for Dad. Check
Lunch for me. Check, albeit soggy and left-over from daughter yesterday.
Bag for daughter. Check
Coat for daugter. Check
Umbrella for upcoming school concert rendition of "singing in the rain". Check.
Sanity. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!
"Sorry Ma'am but you're all out of sanity pills. ha ha".
If there's one more hidden cost as part of this renovation then I think I'm likely to yell at someone.
If they have the audacity to arrive at 7.01am when my brain's only had 5 hours sleep and my hair still needs doing then I'll most certainly yell.
Tradies should start at 8.15, a respectable time by any fool's standards.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Grandmother's apron
My grandmother is nearly 85 and in recent years has had her fair share of medical mishaps. Through all of this, she's remained fiercely independent and cognitively top-notch. But age wearies her and although she can play bridge, debate politics and annoy the living daylights out of me, she's not the woman she once was.
When we arrived last night at her apartment for an early evening meal she was there in her old apron. Her hair looked different, mostly because she had to lie down in between each stage of the recipes she still recalls from the depths of her culinary heart. So ruffled squashed patches there were. But her blue and white checked apron was there, looking cleaner than I remember. That's probably because she doesn't have the energy to cook, even for herself. But she lay on her bed six or seven times yesterday; as long as it took to complete meal preparation for her family. Her face is different: OK, so it's wrinkly and spotted by the mark of sun-years, but she just looks tired. But the ties on her apron were neatly in a bow. The ends are shorter than they once were, probably because she hasn't been able to exercise for the past few years as she once did. But it still fit, that apron of my childhood.
And it felt like I was a child again. In the bosom of my crazy, multi-cultural, food-loving family. I felt safe and then I was nearly in tears. It's my turn to be the responsible mother. To nurture and to feed and to be the salve when the world wounds externally and within. The knowledge that last night will probably be the last time we sit at her table and eat, drink and laugh makes my heart ache, but it was nice to have the foresight to appreciate that possibility and soak it all up.
My grandmother's apron will be a more important keepsake than all the silver goblets and crazy trinkets she's collected through her most fascinating life. Lucky, really, given that my daughter decided that painting the paper whilst wearing my green apron was boring and decided to instead cover the apron in daubs of her hue of choice - murky brown (also known as 'all the shades of paint mixed together in the one pot').
When we arrived last night at her apartment for an early evening meal she was there in her old apron. Her hair looked different, mostly because she had to lie down in between each stage of the recipes she still recalls from the depths of her culinary heart. So ruffled squashed patches there were. But her blue and white checked apron was there, looking cleaner than I remember. That's probably because she doesn't have the energy to cook, even for herself. But she lay on her bed six or seven times yesterday; as long as it took to complete meal preparation for her family. Her face is different: OK, so it's wrinkly and spotted by the mark of sun-years, but she just looks tired. But the ties on her apron were neatly in a bow. The ends are shorter than they once were, probably because she hasn't been able to exercise for the past few years as she once did. But it still fit, that apron of my childhood.
And it felt like I was a child again. In the bosom of my crazy, multi-cultural, food-loving family. I felt safe and then I was nearly in tears. It's my turn to be the responsible mother. To nurture and to feed and to be the salve when the world wounds externally and within. The knowledge that last night will probably be the last time we sit at her table and eat, drink and laugh makes my heart ache, but it was nice to have the foresight to appreciate that possibility and soak it all up.
My grandmother's apron will be a more important keepsake than all the silver goblets and crazy trinkets she's collected through her most fascinating life. Lucky, really, given that my daughter decided that painting the paper whilst wearing my green apron was boring and decided to instead cover the apron in daubs of her hue of choice - murky brown (also known as 'all the shades of paint mixed together in the one pot').
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
The good, the bad, and the ugly
The Good:
I've been short-listed for a fellowship, which if successful would free up some of my budget in the new group for other activities
The Bad:
One of the key people to my group at the new centre has decided to give up research and go into industry.
The Ugly:
My head is pounding, which if I catastrophize means I've got a whopper of a tumor, but in all likelihood reflects my lack of sleep, poor posture and it-feels-like-a-head-cold-coming-on brain.
The net effect? Well, you know. It's wholly pleasing to me that I have reacted to the second by just getting on with business. This is all surmountable. A total pain in the a*!e but it will be OK.
The countdown is on. 4 weeks to go, with two of these on holidays. Hurrah to new jobs!
I've been short-listed for a fellowship, which if successful would free up some of my budget in the new group for other activities
The Bad:
One of the key people to my group at the new centre has decided to give up research and go into industry.
The Ugly:
My head is pounding, which if I catastrophize means I've got a whopper of a tumor, but in all likelihood reflects my lack of sleep, poor posture and it-feels-like-a-head-cold-coming-on brain.
The net effect? Well, you know. It's wholly pleasing to me that I have reacted to the second by just getting on with business. This is all surmountable. A total pain in the a*!e but it will be OK.
The countdown is on. 4 weeks to go, with two of these on holidays. Hurrah to new jobs!
Friday, September 5, 2008
Grant news
In my previous post I lamented the horrible day I'd had. Whinge whinge, I know.
Well, I was just trawling through my overloaded inbox and was about the delete an email that really looked like spam. The title and the email address is stemmed from looked seriously dodgy. I don't know why I decided to check it out, but I did. Lo and behold "Dear Dr SM, We are writing to advise that your application has been short-listed for funding approval by yadayada-blahblah . Short-listed applicants will be notified of their success or otherwise in early October 2008".
Well, I'll be... It's not a request for a lot of money but it would sure help the project.
And now I know why we keep getting up off the floor with our fists up. This science game is an addiction and it'd be really hard to go cold turkey.
Well, I was just trawling through my overloaded inbox and was about the delete an email that really looked like spam. The title and the email address is stemmed from looked seriously dodgy. I don't know why I decided to check it out, but I did. Lo and behold "Dear Dr SM, We are writing to advise that your application has been short-listed for funding approval by yadayada-blahblah . Short-listed applicants will be notified of their success or otherwise in early October 2008".
Well, I'll be... It's not a request for a lot of money but it would sure help the project.
And now I know why we keep getting up off the floor with our fists up. This science game is an addiction and it'd be really hard to go cold turkey.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Publish or Perish
I"M PERISHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today has been a bit of a crapola sort of day.
1) Really cool paper got rejected by super cool journal. Really cool paper probably actually sucks enormously but I was surprised today at how bad I felt after this news. I have no trouble whatsoever getting grants rejected (well, aside from the huge impact it has on my ability to actually do research. I just seem to be able to accept that this is part of research, I bounce back and look for the next opportunity). But papers being rejected is something else. At least the really cool probable-nobel-laureate co-author emailed to say that the reviews seemed ill-informed.
2) Local ethics committee has decided our amendments are too substantial and require a total resubmit. Doh! Like, HELLOoooooooooooooo. We're not kicking small children whilst drinking tequila and laughing about it. Groan. Time consuming. Annoying. Totally understand why they're doing what they're doing but I am still annoyed.
3) Random research nurse insinuated that I had failed in my duty of care to a patient tonight and so I came home a) late b) grumpy c) tired, and did I mention GRUMPY?!!!!!!!!!! Spoke to clinical mentor who described said individual as a "d$*!head" (pardon me), which made me feel better because ClinicalMentor never swears. Re-read my report and decided that not only had I been very clear about the patient's needs, I'd followed up appropriately. Groan. Grumpy. Annoyed.
Amongst it all, I managed to be a total noo-noo to my kids, my parents in law (who leave tomorrow morning and won't see their grandchildren for another couple of years), AcademicSpouse and probably even the cat. But he deserves it because he smells bad.
I will bounce back from the dejected feelings post-paper-rejection. Perishing would make me yet another statistic and I don't want to be a mere statistic just yet. Not unless it's because I fall into the rare category of She Who Has It ALL!
Today has been a bit of a crapola sort of day.
1) Really cool paper got rejected by super cool journal. Really cool paper probably actually sucks enormously but I was surprised today at how bad I felt after this news. I have no trouble whatsoever getting grants rejected (well, aside from the huge impact it has on my ability to actually do research. I just seem to be able to accept that this is part of research, I bounce back and look for the next opportunity). But papers being rejected is something else. At least the really cool probable-nobel-laureate co-author emailed to say that the reviews seemed ill-informed.
2) Local ethics committee has decided our amendments are too substantial and require a total resubmit. Doh! Like, HELLOoooooooooooooo. We're not kicking small children whilst drinking tequila and laughing about it. Groan. Time consuming. Annoying. Totally understand why they're doing what they're doing but I am still annoyed.
3) Random research nurse insinuated that I had failed in my duty of care to a patient tonight and so I came home a) late b) grumpy c) tired, and did I mention GRUMPY?!!!!!!!!!! Spoke to clinical mentor who described said individual as a "d$*!head" (pardon me), which made me feel better because ClinicalMentor never swears. Re-read my report and decided that not only had I been very clear about the patient's needs, I'd followed up appropriately. Groan. Grumpy. Annoyed.
Amongst it all, I managed to be a total noo-noo to my kids, my parents in law (who leave tomorrow morning and won't see their grandchildren for another couple of years), AcademicSpouse and probably even the cat. But he deserves it because he smells bad.
I will bounce back from the dejected feelings post-paper-rejection. Perishing would make me yet another statistic and I don't want to be a mere statistic just yet. Not unless it's because I fall into the rare category of She Who Has It ALL!
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