My meeting with the finance folk at the proposed lab site was really really positive. The rumoured-to-be-quite-blunt-and-weird head person nodded lots, commented that they were in agreement with my vision for the facility and my lab and said 'send us a budget proposal'.
I'm flat out writing reports, chasing my tail with papers that are on the backburner, data that needs analysing and students that need mentoring. I'm living on three to four hours sleep and I just signed up to act as Secretary on the local creche committee. My kids are divine, and at such a sublime age of exploration and discovery. Roll on Friday night so I can fall asleep early on the couch again...!
This can really work and I'm really excited about the prospect.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Growth
What a busy few days. And now it's full steam ahead.
Academic spouse and I have decided that we will definitely stay put. For him a move to set up anew would be a step back, or at best sideways. For me there is huge potential. But events this week have lead me to think that I can realise that potential a touch closer to home.
The support for me to set up my own lab is quite remarkable. I have colleagues keen to move with me, senior staff at the host institution contacting me regularly to set up meetings. Next week I will negotiate the setup, salary support and general package. I'm sure to ask for too little but I'm excited at the prospect.
My dearest friend and I were chatting about change today and I remarked that it helps in this business if you're not risk averse. I'm about to say no to five years salary support, new lab, new facilities, mentoring etc etc to set up my own group. This is the make or break. If I fail here then clearly I'm not cut out for science. If within three years I can develop a self-sustaining research group then I'll have grown in ways I never imagined possible. Well, the grey hair is predictable I guess........!
I hope there's not too much fallout from my current boss when I break the news. By this time next week a new world will have dawned.
Academic spouse and I have decided that we will definitely stay put. For him a move to set up anew would be a step back, or at best sideways. For me there is huge potential. But events this week have lead me to think that I can realise that potential a touch closer to home.
The support for me to set up my own lab is quite remarkable. I have colleagues keen to move with me, senior staff at the host institution contacting me regularly to set up meetings. Next week I will negotiate the setup, salary support and general package. I'm sure to ask for too little but I'm excited at the prospect.
My dearest friend and I were chatting about change today and I remarked that it helps in this business if you're not risk averse. I'm about to say no to five years salary support, new lab, new facilities, mentoring etc etc to set up my own group. This is the make or break. If I fail here then clearly I'm not cut out for science. If within three years I can develop a self-sustaining research group then I'll have grown in ways I never imagined possible. Well, the grey hair is predictable I guess........!
I hope there's not too much fallout from my current boss when I break the news. By this time next week a new world will have dawned.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Replaceable
Have you ever stopped to think about who would honestly miss you when you die?
When I try to weight up career vs family decisions, I always remind myself that none of my colleagues will stand at my grave and weep on the anniversary of my death, my birth, my wedding. The most likely scenario is that it will be my children, my family.
So it should not have come as a shock today to learn that in the quest for greater things in 'life' my current (and soon to move away to head a much larger group and pool of resources) boss is headhunting folk from overseas. On one level, it's entirely reasonable. On another if feels devastating as for so long I have held a special role within our group and I can see that slipping away. I now really understand what it means to realise 'the end of an era'.
I find it perplexing that I feel so saddened by the loss of opportunity when before me lie the lives of two individuals whose future is filled with choices, options, chances, luck, excitement and its foe disappointment, love, laughter, memories of us. In their lives I am (or at least so I tell them!!!) irreplaceable.
Is that not enough?
When I try to weight up career vs family decisions, I always remind myself that none of my colleagues will stand at my grave and weep on the anniversary of my death, my birth, my wedding. The most likely scenario is that it will be my children, my family.
So it should not have come as a shock today to learn that in the quest for greater things in 'life' my current (and soon to move away to head a much larger group and pool of resources) boss is headhunting folk from overseas. On one level, it's entirely reasonable. On another if feels devastating as for so long I have held a special role within our group and I can see that slipping away. I now really understand what it means to realise 'the end of an era'.
I find it perplexing that I feel so saddened by the loss of opportunity when before me lie the lives of two individuals whose future is filled with choices, options, chances, luck, excitement and its foe disappointment, love, laughter, memories of us. In their lives I am (or at least so I tell them!!!) irreplaceable.
Is that not enough?
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Support
If I move, the support I will receive will be no different to that which I garner now.
In my conversations with potential collaborators, and those who might provide finance to my (currently) very vulnerable team, it is incredible to realise how much support for my 'move' there is. Namely, that people are now saying that they've been wondering when I would go out alone and work as a truly autonomous researcher. It seems that those who possess objectivity have seen for some time what I have witnessed in the past week. That whilst I receive very strong support from above, it always comes with a caveat of some sort.
I've never liked the thought of bungy jumping. That I would voluntarily tip myself off the safety of a platform high in the sky to dunk my head under water several hundred meters below. Not me, I get weak knees. Who knows, maybe it's something I should consider?
In my conversations with potential collaborators, and those who might provide finance to my (currently) very vulnerable team, it is incredible to realise how much support for my 'move' there is. Namely, that people are now saying that they've been wondering when I would go out alone and work as a truly autonomous researcher. It seems that those who possess objectivity have seen for some time what I have witnessed in the past week. That whilst I receive very strong support from above, it always comes with a caveat of some sort.
I've never liked the thought of bungy jumping. That I would voluntarily tip myself off the safety of a platform high in the sky to dunk my head under water several hundred meters below. Not me, I get weak knees. Who knows, maybe it's something I should consider?
Monday, February 4, 2008
The beginning
I am a mother.
I am a scientist, a researcher, a clinician, a mentor and mentee.
Today represents the beginning of a journey that is both exciting and terrifying. My boss has been head-hunted again and I'm not going. I've evolved with the lab over the past few years and although the move is said to be exciting and would represent a major opportunity, I am not going.
I would have access to dedicated equipment that I spend a good portion of my time at present fighting to get access to. My students would be guaranteed access and would finish in a timely fashion. Instead of spending my work life sardined into a shared office space, surrounded be filing cabinets that represent an occupational safety risk, I would get an office, admin support, funding for my team. But I am not going.
Is it because I am a mother and I don't think that my children's grandparents should be limited to twice yearly visits, if that? That's a part of it.
Is it because I've already uprooted my family once to move with the lab, set up from scratch and put my family at risk financially? That's a part of it.
The main reason is because it's time for me to assume in my workplace the same level of responsibility I have for my children. To grow up and lead by example, rather than tow the party line. I'm terrified of failing. This will be my record.
I am a scientist, a researcher, a clinician, a mentor and mentee.
Today represents the beginning of a journey that is both exciting and terrifying. My boss has been head-hunted again and I'm not going. I've evolved with the lab over the past few years and although the move is said to be exciting and would represent a major opportunity, I am not going.
I would have access to dedicated equipment that I spend a good portion of my time at present fighting to get access to. My students would be guaranteed access and would finish in a timely fashion. Instead of spending my work life sardined into a shared office space, surrounded be filing cabinets that represent an occupational safety risk, I would get an office, admin support, funding for my team. But I am not going.
Is it because I am a mother and I don't think that my children's grandparents should be limited to twice yearly visits, if that? That's a part of it.
Is it because I've already uprooted my family once to move with the lab, set up from scratch and put my family at risk financially? That's a part of it.
The main reason is because it's time for me to assume in my workplace the same level of responsibility I have for my children. To grow up and lead by example, rather than tow the party line. I'm terrified of failing. This will be my record.
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