Bean counters

Earlier this week I met with the bean counters and the proposed new institution. The discussion centred on the fact that a) they would not underwrite the initiative and b) how was I going to generate income and provide a means for cost-recovery? I felt somewhat dejected after that little chat and it made me realise that in science we really do have to have a broad skill set. Not only do we have to be able to bring in and manage funds but we really need to be able to look at the bigger picture.

The rationale for this initiative is so clear cut in my mind, and that of the institute's senior staff and director (which is a relief!). It will, however, take a lot of money to fund and so conversations with bean counters do make me think long and hard about whether using that amount of money is really justified. I mean, apart from having to pay a mortgage etc etc, can I justify spending that much money on science, particularly if the science is a little esoteric?

The simple answer is that I can. Big business and government thrown millions of dollars are clearly nonsensical initiatives (gotta have a committee to decide whether we should form a group to look into the possibility that some action might be taken by an unidentified group of people in four of five years, when of course there'll have been a change in government etc etc etc. blah blah). Of course, because in big bus. and gov't there are plenty of people paid to slap a bit of shine on such things (aka advertising, marketing, propoganda etc) then the populace thinks it's all a great idea. Everyone gets swept up in the excitement and forgets that there's really quite a lot of money being wasted on not a lot of progress.

So is science like that too, or do we not do marketing very well? I think scientists do (and should) get swept up in the excitement of a new idea and all that comes with it. But being eternal realists they return to land pretty quickly (there are experiments to be done, you see!). No, what I think is that the typical scientist is not good at marketing, because honesty and truth are such integral parts of being a 'good' scientist. And that's where sometimes as a mid-career researcher it is really easy to become unstuck.

If I don't back myself to step up to the next level of this crazy ladder then no one else will either. That's such an obvious statement that it's almost embarrassing to write it. At this point in time, however, I don't know that I've really got the energy to do what is required to jump up and hope that I don't miss the rungs. I barely see my husband, my kids are the only ones in our area whose mother and father work full time and my friends keep telling me that I need to slow down (maybe I need to befriend a few more academic women!!). So this constant conflict makes me wonder whether it's all worth the effort.

Message to self: Watch This Space.