I recently received an email from a senior (professorial) colleague accusing me of poor priorities. I had made my apologies for a meeting at the last minute because my child was sick and I had to see a patient earlier than scheduled so I could take over the care of my kid from Academic Spouse. Given that the child has been vomiting for a week it wasn't one of the occasions where the snotty nose could accompany me.
At the end of the very long email was "I know this is hard stuff to hear (and for me to write) but we cant continue like this. I am full of respect for you..."
I don't think any man would end an email like that. If you have a view then just give it and don't attempt to qualify or soften it by being quasi-apologetic. I don't expect criticism of my perceived poor judgement to come with a disclaimer. This is not about how I feel or whether I think someone likes me. We should be able to discuss it in terms of facts and the objectives of the work, and then move on and have a coffee at the local cafe sometime later.
Indeed, this is exactly how events played out when my direct Professor disagreed vehemently with a course of action I took. He emailed me "I'm very unhappy and I don't agree with you". We discussed it by phone later that week (which was awkward but at least I got to provide my perspective). We agreed to disagree and we're getting on with business.
The most annoying thing was that I was seriously rattled by this Prof's email. I spent over 90 minutes composing a reply (Acad. Spou. says I should have just said "I'd prefer to discuss in person", which I tend to agree with). The next morning I woke in a state of panic, was horrible to my kids and felt like a crap researcher. So I guess emotions are always at play but I'd rather play them out in private than by email in the workplace.
I just need to learn to be a passer by.
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