Dysthymia

Yesterday I was a bit silly and booked way too many patients into my clinic. I was majorly exhausted afterwards and had to spend most of the evening, into the wee hours of the morning, writing reports to send out by today. I had more patients again today (I'm trying to wind down my practice so that I can shut one clinic completely in order to run a research group) and it made me wonder whether leaving science might not be a good option.

Pay in science is not terrible, but not as lucrative as other pursuits that half-intelligent folk might engage in. In the clinical world, however, I could probably earn in two to three days what I earn in five from research. It should be now be fairly obvious that I'm in allied health...!

Academic spouse was today awarded a major major grant. Like, super duper wow stuff. He's also writing another fellowship application and his CV is just totally amazing. So it makes me wonder whether little old me really stands a chance of running an entire research group. Maybe I could be Clinical Mother and have more time for my kids, my friends, my garden, myself.

I've always thought it would be a 'waste' to leave science after all this time. Now i'm not so sure. Two of my patients yesterday gave me such lovely compliments (one had been suicidal, but hiding it quite well from the myriad of professionals he'd been seeing. Until of course he walked into my consulting room and I thought it was pretty clear that this individual was not OK, and so I made a few calls to make sure he had some supports). Somehow research seems so self-indulgent at times. To give of oneself to truly assist another may well be a noble pursuit after all.

Or maybe I'm the one with dysthymia.