Super Size that rejection

So in a follow up to Friday's email that gave advance warning of imminent rejection, I got the offical letter today. Not only was I reject but they went to some length to indicate how badly my application was rated. WTF?????????????????????????

I think it's just papers, but maybe it's the project I submitted. It's difficult to know, since there's no feedback provided at all. doh!

So I think I'm gonna keep a tally here.
Today's stat is:

2008 - 6 papers published or in press
Nine papers under review
Six papers getting the finishing touches prior to submission
First author papers I need to work on. HEAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can't bear to count those. ugh.

If I could get up to ten published or in press by February next year then I'd be pretty chuffed. How could they resist me?

When bugging your senior colleague is futile

Papers are a significant issue for me right now. Kids got in the way of steady output. That and writing 55 grants in four years, being the 'go-to' girl for all problems in my previous lab. The glue.

WHOOPS! No track record. UNfundable.

So, I've been proactive and tried to implement a plan for publications with my old mentor. He agreed to a paper per week until they're all out (there's 15!) but of course in the first week renegs.

What to do, what to do?

Now that I'm a big girl running my own lab I guess the idea is not to perpetuate this style of 'leadership'. So I'm now kind of (but not really I suppose) in conflict. It would be easy to say "well, I didn't get an easy run so you lot can stand by while I control your futures". The better approach is avoid repeating the errors of others. Indeed, when old mentor suggested that I'd be OK at my new institution because he'd taught me all he know it was very easy to wholeheartedly agree...

More rejection

Oh, the orbitofrontal cortex goes into overdrive this week...

So, what is it about research office staff that makes them think that sending out an email at 4.43pm on a Friday afternoon, in which they inform you that although it's top secret and you can't breathe a word to anyone, you're a reject.

"Dear applicant,

I have received the attached email from the blahblah outcomes. Unfortunately your name was not on the list of applications recommended for funding.

Kind Regards,

Messenger of Doom in the Research Office"

KIND REGARDS? There's nothing kind about that news at all. When I read that all I hear is the little freak from the Simpsons going "ha ha"
ha ha. you're a reject. try again next year (withoutanychanceofsuccessbutweknowyou'readdictedandsowe'relaughingonfridayevening)

I guess I'm annoyed. Need papers. Something's gotta feed the research addiction and get that orbitofrontal cortex to settle down...

ARGH.

Paper reject

Another one bites the dust.

PreviousBoss insists on only putting papers in high impact journals, which would be OK if the findings were high impact and not in need of simply being published.

High impact paper just rejected my recent submission without review. Which TAKES TIME.

and quite frankly, I don't have time to be mucking around at the moment and need some papers to get out. in. realistically. targetted. journal. please.

argh.

Academic talks - when preparation is a bad thing

Yesterday I had to give a talk at the new institute. It was one of a series of workshops for grant submissions and anyone could attend. I spent the night before flinging together some slides and thought briefly about what I wanted to say. Right as I was starting who should walk in the back of the auditorium but the head of the institute. Normally not one to sweat such things, this really unnerved me and I was a bumbling mess. I should have prepared more as I didn't give enough background to the study to allow the audience to discuss it in detail, so I ended up feeling like a complete goose.

Contrast this with my (unsuccessful - read I"M A TOTAL REJECT) fellowship interview recently. I prepared the talk with notes, something I have NEVER done. I practiced the talk. NEVER done that before either. Worse still, I sat to give the talk, which I will NEVER do again as it's totally daft and not at all my style.

So the point is, have I lost my mojo? If I wing it these days I screw up and if I (over) prepare I muck it up too? So what's the right formula for giving a talk? What do others do? What are the practical strategies to look fabulous whilst speaking and feel great afterwards to?

It's been a funny time because for the past few years none of this matters. Now, though, every presentation is a first impression for a whole new audience and I'd like them to pay to see me again (literally!).

High speed shenanigans

One month in and it's all systems go. I have a new office, new labs, new space request, new staff member, new admin crap, new tea room, new politics, new horizons.

No new grants and no new papers but who's counting? well, I am.

I have a plan and it involves shedding crap collaborators who continue to give me a hard time, finishing off projects that give me central chest pain whenever I think of them (seriously) and I want to shed a few pounds by Christmas. I think I'll manage all but the last one.

How is it? It's good. Exciting, and terrifying all at once. In the past two weeks people have realised that I am on site and have started asking me for help, advice, collaboration etc. So that's good but I still need to finish off a whole lot of other work.

I've also had the pleasure of meeting my 'competition' (internationally, that is) and we now plan to collaborate! I offered something I knew he would like (more data) and he needs some skills I happen to have. Sounds like a plan.

Meanwhile, Academic Spouse is away for work more times than I care to think about between now and Christmas but as long as we all stay healthy then it'll be OK.

I feel like I'm tearing down a highway at high speed and just hoping to goodness that I don't lose control and crash and burn. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzoooooooooooooooommmmm!